Dearest Isatou

It has taken some time to find the strength to talk to you.

It has taken some time to be able to look back, and not find you.

It has taken some time to think the thoughts of you gone.

But we feel you.

We barely knew you, but we see you in the smile of our boy.

We hear you in the laughter of his voice.

And we will always smile with you, and laugh with you,

and just know... you will never be gone.

Because we feel you.

Always.

With all our love,

Tante Heidi, Uncle Nick, and cousin Aeden

Dirt Devil by a Dare Devil

Today Omar, Babou and I went to visit Isa's grave together for the first time. We sat with her for a little while, each doing our own thing. Babou was praying, I was doing a light meditation, and I gave Omar the video camera to watch some old videos of her and him to help him feel close to her. After a while, we were going to leave, but decided to have our snack as a picnic. We got out a blanket and sat in the shade of a tree near the parking lot. The sun was shining and there was not even a breeze. The 3 of us sat on the blanket in a little circle eating our apples and nuts, when over near my car, about 20 feet away, a dirt devil began to stir. It swept up a swarm of little golden leaves and as we all watched in awe, it headed straight for us. It engulfed us with its warm tickley blowing and then everything was completely still. It is hard to describe, but we all knew it was not random and that it was Isa. Thank you Isa, for letting us know you were there. 

xoxo Mama

tributes

                                                                                  i wanted to share my latest tributes to my little isa. the first stone is a little plaque omar and i made to dedicate the orchard we planted in our backyard. we planted a peach tree, a red delicious apple tree, a honeycrisp apple tree and lastly, a dwarf cherry tree. we will plant a pear tree and a nectarine tree in the spring. the plaque sits at the base of the dwarf cherry tree which is in the middle and is the smallest (and i'm hoping the pinkest). we planted it with babou's 3-year-old dreads that existed only as long as isa did. it feels really good to have the orchard. i have a place to go to visit her now, that is really close. 

the second stone is at the picnic ground outside of empire where we had her memorial. i used fingernail polish to paint her name on a river rock. not sure how long it will last, but i feel like a part of her spirit is there, even though she never went there while alive. 

not sure how much more tribute i can pay to her. it always falls short of having her here with me.